I’ve read everywhere: “Close your eyes and just focus on your breath.”
But the truth is… I can’t.
Because the moment I close my eyes, even during the day, I feel this weird fear crawling up my body.
It feels like something’s watching me.
Like there’s something in the room, even though I know there’s not.
I try to sit still and focus, but within a minute, my heart starts racing and I have to open my eyes.
It’s worse at night.
I sleep with all the lights on.
In my room, in the corridor, even the bathroom light.
Complete darkness makes me feel unsafe.
Not just uncomfortable. I mean genuinely scared.
I know this might sound silly to some people.
But I also know there are others who feel the same.
So I’m writing this for us. For the ones who are afraid, but still want to feel peace.
What I’m Learning About Meditation (With Fear)
Here’s what I’m trying. Step by step.
1. Eyes Open Meditation
I didn’t know this was allowed, but yes, you can meditate with your eyes open.
I sit in a quiet spot and just gaze softly at something. A candle flame, a plant, the wall.
No pressure to close my eyes.
And honestly, it helps. I can breathe slowly without fear kicking in.
2. Meditate in Daylight Only (For Now)
I don’t push myself to do it at night.
Morning light feels safe.
I sit near a window, let the sunlight touch my face, and just sit. No darkness. No fear.
3. Music or Guided Voice Helps
Total silence makes me feel more scared, so I use gentle meditation music or guided meditations on YouTube.
Hearing a calm voice or soft background music gives me something to focus on instead of my thoughts running wild.
4. Not Calling It “Meditation” Helps Too
Sometimes, even the word “meditation” puts pressure.
So I just call it: “Sitting with myself.”
No rules. Just sitting. Breathing. Feeling.
5. Using a Dim Light (Not Total Darkness)
Instead of turning everything off, I now keep a warm yellow lamp on.
I let the room feel dim, not dark.
It’s a middle space. Not bright, not pitch black.
It feels like safety.
If You’re Like Me…
If you’re scared of the dark too,
if you also feel like something’s “there” when you close your eyes,
you are not weak.
You are not broken.
You are not alone.
You’re someone with a sensitive system.
And your fear is your body’s way of protecting you. It just doesn’t always know when it’s safe.
Let’s not force ourselves into peace.
Let’s create the conditions where peace feels possible.
Even if that means lights on, music playing, and eyes open.
I’m still scared.
But I’m trying.
And maybe that’s enough for now.
Do not quit do this for 21 days to build a habit.
Why I Get Scared of the Dark or Closing My Eyes
(and maybe why you do too)
I used to think I was just being silly.
But now I know this fear is real, and there are reasons behind it.
Here’s what I’ve learned about myself, and maybe this will help you too.
1. It’s not the dark. It’s what happens in the dark.
When I close my eyes or when the lights are off, my brain doesn’t relax.
Instead, it starts imagining things.
It fills the quiet with thoughts, shapes, shadows, and even scary feelings.
Especially when I try to sit still or meditate, it feels like someone is watching me.
Even though I know I am alone, the fear feels real.
2. Old memories or fear can still live in the body.
Sometimes this fear starts when we are young.
Maybe we heard scary stories or had a bad dream or experience.
Even if we forgot the details, our body remembers.
When we turn off the lights or close our eyes, those hidden memories can make the body panic.
It is not about weakness. It is just a reaction we never learned to calm.
3. Some people are more sensitive to energy and silence.
Some of us feel things deeply.
We notice moods, silence, and spaces more than others.
If you are a creative or emotional person, like me, your mind and body feel more than most people can see.
This kind of sensitivity is not bad, but it needs to be handled with care.
If not, it turns into fear.
4. The body is just trying to protect you.
When we close our eyes and feel unsafe, our nervous system goes into survival mode.
Heart races. Muscles tighten. Breath becomes fast.
It is just the body trying to say, “Stay alert, this is not safe.”
But it does not always know the difference between real danger and old fear.
That is why we feel scared, even when we know logically that nothing is there.
5. This happens to many people.
You are not the only one.
So many people sleep with the light on, avoid silence, or feel panic during meditation.
You are not broken.
You just have a body that is asking for safety before it can relax.
Can this fear get better?
Yes, it can. Slowly.
You can teach your body to feel safe again by doing things like:
- Meditating with your eyes open
- Using soft yellow lights instead of total darkness
- Playing calming music or a guided voice while sitting
- Grounding your body by sitting with your back against a wall
- Saying out loud, “I am safe. This is now. Nothing is here.”
It may not go away in a day, but it can change.
And you do not have to force it.
What I Believe Now
This happens to me because I feel deeply.
Because I imagine a lot.
And because no one taught me how to feel safe when everything goes quiet.
So now, I am learning.
Slowly. Kindly. With the light on.
And I believe that is enough.
